that canadian girl

A bit of Friday afternoon giggles here, Andrew just sent me what feels like possibly the most accurate lolcat I’ve ever seen.

People are often surprised when I tell them that English isn’t my first language and that I wasn’t comfortably speaking it all the way into my early teens. I also clearly remember hearing music in English when I was very young and not understanding any of it.

So while I think this girl is mad for going to a Music Idol show in Bulgaria and choosing an English song, I can completely hear what she’s hearing in the song. Hilarious video!

Sorry if I’ve started posting loads again! I’ve got internet access again, have returned to something resembling routine and have dealt with the bulk of organising the new house, so I’ve got time to write.

Because I know you all miss my posts while I have no Internet access at home due to the house move, I’ll provide you with comic relief in the form of some of YouTube’s cream of the crop.

Everyone loves Star Wars. Everyone loves kids. Everyone loves YouTube. (sort of.)

“Thousands of homes face losing phone lines after cable thieves struck. Police were alerted today at 9.30am to the theft of high-value cables near Cambourne. […] A mobile police station has been sent to the area and high-profile police patrols have been mounted in a bid to reassure residents.

BT engineers are working on restoring the lines but it is not known how long this will take. DS Chris Balmer said: “We do not yet know the exact number of homes which have been left without phone lines however we believe it could be a few thousand.

“BT are working as quickly as possible to restore the phone lines. If you area aware of any elderly or vulnerable residents please check on their welfare. If anyone saw any suspicious activity around manhole covers please contact me. Scrap metal thieves who rip up telephone cables were warned by police they are putting lives at risk”, reported in the Cambridge News.”

Seriously, what’s that all about? No phones? No internet?

However, to lighten the tone, I thought I’d accompany the news with some interesting archeological findings, also reported recently.

“After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.

Not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 meters and headlines in the US papers read: “US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibers, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians.”

One week later, the Kenyan newspapers proudly reported the following: “After digging as deep as 500 meters, Kenyan scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology.”

Does this look as tempting to you as it does to both Russell and I?

It’s like there’s an invisible force field pulling me towards those. Not sure if I would’ve managed to resist, had I been there!

So Christmas the holiday season is coming, and as if we needed any more political correctness madness going on, Santas have been warned not to use their age-old “ho ho ho” laugh to greet children as it may be degrading to women.

Santas in Australia’s largest city have been told not to use Father Christmas’s traditional “ho ho ho” greeting because it may be offensive to women, it was reported Thursday.

Sydney’s Santa Clauses have instead been instructed to say “ha ha ha” instead, the Daily Telegraph reported.

One disgruntled Santa told the newspaper a recruitment firm warned him not to use “ho ho ho” because it could frighten children and was too close to “ho”, a US slang term for prostitute.

“Gimme a break,” said Julie Gale, who runs the campaign against sexualising children called Kids Free 2B Kids.

“We are talking about little kids who do not understand that “ho, ho, ho” has any other connotation and nor should they,” she told the Telegraph.

“Leave Santa alone.”

A local spokesman for the US-based Westaff recruitment firm said it was “misleading” to say the company had banned Santa’s traditional greeting and it was being left up to the discretion of the individual Santa himself.

To echo Julie’s thoughts, gimme a fucking break! I thought the Aussies were chilled, don’t-worry-be-happy people? Are they becoming brainwashed by our Western world political correctness insanity? It’s mindblowingly ridiculous that someone even SUGGESTED that!

Thanks to Celia for finding this article from Sydney APF

The best office prank ever if you have a quantity of HP printers around the office. Confuse the hell out of your work colleagues with this Friday tip on changing the default message on HP printers.

Photo by PommeGranny on Flickr.

As you’ve probably figured out by now, I really like Diggnation, enjoyed Wednesday’s live show like no live event I’ve been to before, and am thrilled to have met the guys there.

I took my video camera to the show and it was such a good move. The show does not start when the cameras start rolling. Alex and Kevin are naturally completely whacky, especially when drunk, so the moment they roll in, the madness begins.

So here are the 10-15 minutes before the show, including the marriage proposal to Alex, some pre-show checks and opening their new shiny Diggnation mugs.

The video job is pretty bad, no need to tell me, but hey, I didn’t want Glenn to feel his job was at risk. Or that’s my excuse anyways!

[Don’t forget to Digg it! …How full-circle-meta…]

Diggnation 118 Live In London - The Bits You Didn’t See

I bow down to xkcd, the best geek cartoon in the world.

If Post Secret is too heavy for you, and i can has cheezburger is too silly, then find the perfect mashup of the two of them in LolSecretz.

Last night, I went out to see “Run, Fatboy, Run!” with Andrew and my lovely friend Celia.

I’m already pretty fond of Simon Pegg’s older movies, but I think this one tops them all. The theme is more appealing to girls than zombies or village cops, so that might have something to do with it. It might also have to do with the fact that the spotlight is much more on Pegg, rather than sharing it with Nick Frost and some guns. And it might have to do with Thandie Newton being so adorable, Hank Azaria playing the over-confident American so well and a handful of classic cameos from the likes of David Walliams and Stephen Merchant.

Take all the above, mix them gently together and you’ve got my favourite comedy of the year by miles.

Definitely comes with two thumbs up, and a big toe too.

Run for your life, the Daleks have arrived and will EXTERMINATE everything in their path!

More awesome Flickr pics here
[Via BoingBoing]

Every so often, I trawl through my blog’s search logs to find out what topics have ignited the interest of readers. There’s the top content, the usual search terms. But then there’s the dregs, the random gobshite some people search for that leaves me completely mystified HOW that landed them on my blog!

So here’s to sharing the random Google search results some people have used to find some of my posts.

• “toby carvery nutritional information”: I dunno, what’s the nutritional information for cardboard?
• “how the canadian girls do they look like”: How the who wha?!
• “where to place l plates on ford ka”: Right, and they should let you pass your test why?
• “guardian journalists rubbish web copywriters”: Hah, you said it first, mate!
• “husband corset”: *Slips her the phone number of a good marriage therapist*
• “imovie 08 red line when trying to drag clips”: To fix this, Step 1 - Take iMovie disc out of drive, Step 2 - Put back in packaging, Step 3 - Take back to store and demand a copy of iMovie ‘06.
• “funny & nasty domain names blog”: I don’t think my blog has a nasty name *cries* I’m hurt.
• “tablets to get into a mood of sex”: Open email. Check spam folder. There you go, plenty of “sexy mood” tablets for ya!
• “how do you work out if a girl fancies you” & “how to make a move to make out with a girl”: Hmm how to explain you have NO hope.
• “where can i read the latest darwin award entries?”: Uhh let’s see DarwinAwards.com?
• “my sister-in-law nude pictures”: Dude, that’s NEVER a good idea…
• “thong knickers banned in schools”: Excuse my ignorance, but umm, do they check every morning?
• “canadian pillow humping”: Buahahaha wtf?
• “smartass”: Oh, sorry, I’ll stop now.

Previous edition: Funny Google Searches: Looking Back at 2006 Edition

Best cartoon this week, for sure!

[From UserFriendly.org]

The ever annoying default Nokia ringtone has inspired a song.

How long until the iPhone marimba ringtone gets the same reaction?

I’m still highly undecided on whether the iPhone’s soft keypad having no feel to it or half my makeup transferring onto my screen will be enough to drive me nuts. but I guess it’ll be a long time before I get a real go on one, but I’m looking forward to the Americans’ feedback. Very very curious…

You know you’re a proper geek when you can write in LOLCODE, the latest and greatest programming language to grace the Interweb. It’s a simple language written for the cats, by the cats.

File open example

HAI
CAN HAS STDIO?
PLZ OPEN FILE "LOLCATS.TXT"?
    AWSUM THX
        VISIBLE FILE
    O NOES
        INVISIBLE "ERROR!"
KTHXBYE

What can I say? I has 1337 code. LOL!!1

More Ctrl + Alt + Del cartoons

Just a quickie to highlight the second April Fool’s joke, Google TiSP, its new FREE in-home wireless broadband service. Easy, user-friendly system!

This one had me in fits of giggles… Enjoy!